A contentious divorce creates many challenges, and child custody often complicates matters. Spouses who failed to agree on marital affairs may create more conflict when deciding on the nuts and bolts of custody.
What options or techniques serve the best interests of the children?
Methods to co-parent peacefully
An article in Psychology Today offers some advice on ways to meet the challenge of a difficult co-parenting situation. One technique for a parent is to concentrate on the present and let go of past arguments, which can lead to envisioning worst-case scenarios. A second suggestion is to control anger issues, something that is easier said than done. While some anger is normal, chronic anger aimed at an ex-spouse engenders emotional arousal, judgments and overblown expressions that increase conflict. A final technique is to understand the best option available and to take it, even if it is not perfect. A good question to ask is, “will this make the situation better or worse?”
Ways to help a child
Another Psychology Today article stresses the importance of freeing a child of guilt or blame in the aftermath of a tough divorce. Bickering spouses should expose the child to as little yelling and fighting as possible. Parents should protect a child from as much verbal or emotional turmoil as they can. This includes controlling the level of negativity concerning the custody battle. Most importantly, the parents should try to reassure the child that the divorce occurred through no fault of the child and that the child does not control the outcome of the marriage. A concerted effort from both parents helps children cope with divorce and child custody issues.
